our narcissism

(i)
we sat in the darkness and laughed
and sneered.
this is what i wanted but it’s not quite that anymore
when it was
us against
the world
and fell in love through
a mutual anger and jealousy born out of
sadness?misery?displacement
out of      these people aren’t like us
and we are not like them.
and i wonder
how it never occurred to me that i would eventually
end up like him like it was already          designed

(ii)
make it two gin and tonics, please.
hold  each  other    in a  place
where my worries aren’t tunnel visioned into  the
drained out empathy reservoirs   convinced of existing
because that’s what i’ve been told and it hurts sometimes
but i don’t remember   so we sit
and fight over who’s better looking
and plan outfits and match docs
and fit aesthetics and it’s fine
talk shit in cinemas with
harsh critiques   it levels out   and
it’s so nice
to not be nice

(iii)
plus one to all my socials and
awkward and unsure and trudges through,
not tiptoe. but i’m not embarrassed anymore
when we walk down that strip in brunswick and it’s
2 am   the people stare when they can see    the sparks
in the hand-hold
in interlocked fingertips and
mildly sweaty palms-    that
distant look, mutual, like,  only single people go to the valley
and there could be somewhere else we’d rather be
wait in line for a kebab but my youth would skin me
call it         a shawarma.   please.
when everybody else in this line  are    (mostly white)
single males   who look the same and
we hold hands and let them know
when it’s against counters at press and strangers tell us
we’re pretty fucking cute        sit on the grass
to get out of surcharge and know i’ve had practice
like us on the way home from palace  aren’t we getting older
good enough for love between car dealerships

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